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Misquote: Confronting Hollow Phrases with God-filled Truth, Part 4

August 31, 2009

Untitled.001.jpgFew tragedies are treated more flippantly disregarded than spilt milk. A malicious proverb was coined to encourage people to not worry about bad things that have already happened and are out of their control–“don’t cry over spilt milk”. But why should our desire to feel better about ourselves come at the expense of this delicious dairy staple? Milk is wonderful. Though there are many things in life that happen and steal our ability to alter a particular course, therefore making tears superfluous, milk is not one of those things. Spilt milk should be mourned. Particularly because milk is not a stand alone victim when it is spilt.

Ninety percent of consumer milk in America is poured into cereal. Eight percent of all cereal eaten in the U.S. are Golden Grahams. Golden Grahams are awesome! This General Mills touchstone has been bringing smiles to children’s face, peace in suburban homes, and joy to soccer mom’s hearts for years. America has been so moved by this unmistakeable blend of honey and brown sugar that we have been lead to euphorically exlaim, “You are not just good, you are Golden!”

This selfless American tradition has inspired the development of both Cinnamon Toast Crunch and French Toast Crunch. Though neither is comparable to the golden pioneer, both bring much joy to the world. When these totals are combined we arrive at a startling statistic. Twenty percent of all cereal eaten in America is either Golden Grahams, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, or French Toast Crunch. Ninety-five percent of all spilt milk comes from cereal bowls. This means that nineteen percent of all split milk cases involve Golden Grahams, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and French Toast Crunch–reason not to cry? I think not!

You can have your joy-stealing, smile-canceling, child-disregarding, family-hating phrase. My tears will continue to be poured out for the innocent beauty of spilt milk. Some things in life should not distract us with worry and lament. But when the innocent pleasure of a childhood question like, “how do they cram all that graham?” is stolen because a bowl filled with the hope of Golden Grahams and the wonder of 2% milk is spilt, tears are our most appropriate response.

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