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January 10, 2011

quick proviso: Passion is an annual conference where thousands of college-age folks (plus a few more aged peeps) gather to see several speakers and musicians as well as worship together. these popular figures include Louie Giglio, David Crowder* Band, Chris Tomlin, Charlie Hall, John Piper, and a few more. it is also an opportunity for said college folks to contribute to causes championed by the Passion organization and also learn about these causes. this series is simply my retell of my personal take and experiences while at the conference.

i have the worst habit when it comes to worship. oftentimes, i cannot keep myself from overanalyzing and overthinking about, well, anything,. whether its whatever song i’m supposed to be singing, the decor of the room or just what i’m supposed to do next, my mind always seems to be any where but where it’s supposed to be. the worst thing, though, is when i analyze how everyone else is behaving at the time. whenever i see someone raising their hands in praise, i always have to think, well, they might be genuine, but they could also be faking it, but that is how some people worship, all i know is that if i did that it wouldn’t be genuine…blah, blah, blah… all the while not realizing i’m the one being fake.

overtime, i have discovered that distraction is a huge problem for me. i am so easily distracted, i often don’t even realize it’s happening until my time is completely wasted. during the worship sessions at Passion this year, my thoughts were getting in the way more than any time i can remember. the most damaging thing was that many of my thoughts seemed “legitimate.” they were things like, what exactly is this song saying? or, am i really being genuine? or, what kind of product does Crowder put in his hair? trying to get these thoughts out of my head just made me think more. trying to keep myself from thinking proved to be one of the most frustrating things i’ve ever attempted, because that in itself made me think. the whole time i just kept thinking, i just want to worship. let me worship! finally, within a desperate prayer, i forgot about all those things and just sang. i sang to God as loud as i could. any time some analytical thought tried to creep into my consciousness, i just pushed it back and sang even louder. in that hour, i defeated an enemy i didn’t even know i was facing-myself.

and yes, i lifted my hands in worship. and it was awesome.

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